“Change and loss travel together. We can’t have change without loss, which is why so often people say they want change but nonetheless stay exactly the same.”- Lori Gottlieb
Most people come into therapy looking to make some sort of change to their life. Sometimes they know what this is- to understand their inner world, process difficult past experiences, better their relationships- and sometimes they are feeling stuck- they know they want something different, but they need help figuring out what and/or how.
Creating long-lasting change requires consistency, and at its outset, this could feel really challenging, almost like your mind and body are working against you. This is because the evolutionary part of our brain feels safety in familiarity, therefore it may feel more comfortable falling back into old patterns. Remember, this is a normal part of the process, that’s why it’s helpful to have a therapist to guide you through this.
However, in the Indian cultural context, implementing change can come with added complexities. For many people, their sense of self and way of life is so deeply intertwined within their family roles and relationships that it can feel difficult to separate their own needs from that of the wider family.
If as a child, you were told to strictly adhere to family norms or their ways of life, then perhaps as an adult, just thinking about making any changes to your lifestyle and stepping outside this norm can bring about feelings such as anxiety, fear, guilt or shame. You may instead start to question your own needs and ideas, perhaps you have gone as far as convincing yourself that this isn’t something you need to prioritise right now. Remember, it’s ok to make space for yourself and your needs too. Acknowledge how difficult this feels and how brave you are, especially if you’re a ‘cycle-breaker’ or the first person to make active choices or changes in your family.
You may feel disappointed or upset when those around you are unsupportive; they could be actively opposing new changes you are trying to implement or even belittling you for trying something new. Make sure your goals are personal to you, and not about altering someone else, their opinions or their behaviour. Remember, the changes you are making are for you, and it is possible that this may not be well-received by others.
Change can be complicated, even when you know what to do and you’ve made a choice to do it.
About the Author: Mallika Verma
Mallika Verma is a psychologist, and couples and family therapist. She has previously worked across a range of public and private healthcare settings in India and the UK. She now practices privately in Mumbai and Delhi. Learn more at: www.mallikaverma.com or get in touch with her on: mallikavermatherapy@gmail.com.
Comentários